I thought the reading from this week on family rules was really interesting. I have noticed since getting married that both my husband and I have implicit and intuitive family rules.
For example, in my husband's family, when the family comes into town, if they make plans and his mother doesn't want to go, then no one goes. It is weird to me, but they are all too worried about offending their mom.
It was harder to tell this in my family, what our implicit rules are. But after talking to my family, I realized that most of the rules involve me. For example, I am the oldest, and when I talk, I am listened to, no one interrupts me.
These are some examples of rules that we grew up living with without really knowing. Luckily, my husband and I have received some really good advice when we were getting married, which is just to talk through everything. To voice things, and express clearly what we are feeling. This has allowed us to discuss these things.
In the book, Poduska says, "Many erroneously assume that the state of being happy is static rather than dynamic, or changing. But life is change, and happiness is not fully appreciated in the absence of sorrow and hardship. Two people who go through life's ups and downs together grow in ways neither may foresee".
This really stood out to me, I got married when I was 24, and I think this allowed me to experience life and know that there are ups and downs, it also taught me many skills I feel have been useful in marriage, for example communicating. This helped me to realize that marriage wasn't going to be a walk in the park. It also helped my husband as well. Not that this is always the case, but I think giving yourself some time to grow up helps you become more prepared to handle lives ups and downs.