It seems to me that unless you have true love and charity for you spouse, your hope of success is very small.
Conflicts are common in marriage. As we learned last week, perpetual conflicts are 67% of the problems we endure in marriage. In other words, conflicts that continue to resurface over and over. These are often the conflicts that cause gridlock. This gridlock can cause you to be drawn farther and farther from you spouse. You start to see them as selfish and the root of your misery and unhappiness.
As Gottman describes gridlock, "1. You've had the same argument again and again with no resolution. 2. Neither of you can address the issue with humor, empathy, or affection. 3. The issue is becoming increasingly polarizing as time goes on. 4. Compromising seems impossible because it would mean selling out-giving up something important and core to your beliefs, values, or sense of self."
When we are locked in these problems, it becomes difficult to feel charity for our spouse. Charity is described in the Book of Mormon as 'the pure love of Christ". Elder Max Caldwell says, "The phrase 'love of Christ' might have meaning in three dimensions: Love for Christ, Love from Christ, and Love like Christ". (Goddard p.116). As we strive to feel this way, and develop these virtue, working our way out of gridlock because easier. This attribute is developed as we study the teachings of Jesus Christ and try to experience a mighty change of heart, as we pray and focus on acting charitable in our lives. When we do this we will have a greater power to overcome our perpetual problems and come out of our marital gridlocks.