Dearest'
Well this week was great. I hope by now you all know that when I saw that what I really mean is 'this week was the same more or less as every week, and I am not sure what else to say'. But there is some variation, new companion, we went to the temple, And I was companions with a senior sister missionary for a day.
So first things first, Hermana Hunsaker is great, this time when I say great I really mean 'she is pretty cool and awesome and I like her'. She is from Orem, Utah also know as the factory. I take much joy from being able to say I am not from Utah, unlike most other missionaries, good work mom and dad. Anyway, she just turned 20, and she is a reassigned missionary from Peru. She served in the super north party of Peru for 5 weeks and then got sick and went home for 4 months or so. So she speaks pretty good Spanish. She was being trained in Peru by a native Ecuadorean that didn't speak English....that's my dream companion because I love the accent of Ecuadoreans. Basically I'm not even training her, she came trained. We get along well, and laugh a lot. I know why she is my companion, and the things we need to learn from each other. This is going to be a really good transfer I can tell. :) she is willing to work hard, and to sacrifice, and to have fun as well. The 3 things I am all about. She is the youngest child and is willing to let me practice cooking on her (I have started making things up based on what we have). And she isn't against eating McDonalds so we can win monopoly....I have become obsessed. I am soooo close. Haha
It's interesting feeling to be a trainer because I feel myself being made more than I am, better than I am. I feel the inspiration about what to say, how to teach, and what to do coming to my mind. I had this realization the other day while praying, that though I have so far to go still, right now I am the best I have ever been in my life. The best person I have ever been. Higher than I have ever been. When hiking a big mountain, there comes a point when you look backwards and don't even see the ground anymore, but you look forward and you don't see the top either. That's where I am in my journey back to my Heavenly Father.
I spent too large of a portion of my mission focusing on my inadequacies, feeling like I had so many weaknesses that I would never be able to leave behind, never be able to truly overcome, or just feeling like I didn't measure up. I learned that this is like when Peter tried to walk on water in the bible. He started out okay, he knew he was weak, and he needed the help of our Savior, but somewhere along the way instead of looking forward to the Savior who was reaching out his hand, he started looking down and became consumed with how much he couldn't do, and as we know, his faith failed him and he fell into the sea. So, like Peter, we can look down and see that the circumstances around us that seem impossible, and then become consumed with how much we haven't done, haven't changed, and don't measure up, and by so doing lose sight of the power of the atonement, and our Saviors loving hand reaching out to pull us up, as he did to Peter. Or the second option is to recognize that we are weak, and that there is not one singular thing we can do without the help of our Savior, but that he is right there is front of us, calling our name, and pleading with us to look forward to Him, not down. If you have already begun to sink, or are treading water, or feeling like your strength is failing, and very soon you are going to drown in the depths of the sea, than I invite you to remember as Peter did, to look up and see the Savior standing over us, reaching down to lift us up out of the crashing waves of self critiquing, self doubt, and unrealistic expectations. The moral of the story is, sometimes we just have to get over ourselves, get out of our own way, and LET GO. We convince ourselves that it is humility to think poorly of ourselves or be hard on ourselves, or other times we set expectations for ourselves that are quite frankly way too high. But "know ye not that.....ye are not your own?" (Corinthians 6:19). Therefore God sets the expectations, the requirements, God makes the mighty change of heart within us, he qualifies us and guides us along. So "come unto him, and offer your whole souls as an offering unto him" (Omni 1:26). Stop trying to be so in control, just let yourself go into the hands of God, because then and only then will true happiness, and peace will fill your heart and "then shall your confidence was strong in the presence of God" (D&C 121:45). Do all you can, but stop being a Pharisee, so caught up in yourself, and the rules and expectations you have made for yourself, that you deny the power of the Savior and Deliverer who stands before you. He decides when we have done enough, not us. Listen to His voice, not your own, or worse the adversaries.
So that's basically what the Lord has been trying to teach me on my mission, to be humble, submissive, and meek, and most importantly to put my whole soul on the sacrificial alter, all of my heart, my mind, my might, and my strength. I think I might just now be starting to learn it. But I love being a missionary. I love being a trainer, I have learned so much. Though I am incredibly human and weak, he is qualifying me. I love my companion. I love Rockford though I sometimes feel like I am being asked to move a mountain. I love the temple. I can't understand everything but that's okay, if I knew everything there would be no need for trust of faith. I know that Jesus Christ is our savior. I love Him. I know that I come closer to him than I have ever been when I read in the Book of Mormon. I hope you all will decide to read it before I come home. I know you will see drastic changes for the best in your lives. All of you who have accepted my challenge will be getting a little something from me before Christmas :)
I love you all. Sorry I write long emails. But I was commanded when I was set apart to share the details and feelings from my mission. I hope this email finds you all happy and well rested. I have realized the mission is like 50yrs of life crammed into 18 months, and my body is like that of a 70yr old woman. Always sore and creaking, and always exhausted, and needing more sleep, but happy and content. I hope I regain my youth when I come home. Haha
Fight the good fight family. I love you so much more than our language can express, but maybe the spirit can let you know.
Love,
Hermana Simmons
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